BUY YOURSELF THE FLOWERS
Why it's time to take control of your own joy
Words
LEYLA KAZIM
A couple of years ago I started doing a thing that felt like a bit of a radical act at the time. Not because it was revolutionary or daring in any way. But simply because it was a bold statement of declaring agency over my own joy and wellbeing.
I started buying myself flowers. And regularly.
I don’t do this on a whim. Instead, I intentionally order a beautiful bunch of blooms to be delivered to my home in a few days, in a couple of weeks, next month. It’s a gift to my future self.
They’re not to mark an occasion or as a congratulations for any milestone. There is no justification other than, I deserve flowers and flowers make me happy.
Purposefully seeking joy and appreciating the small things in life is a powerful statement in an increasingly uncertain and confusing world. It’s easy to feel like we need a permission slip before we’re allowed to feel happy about something. Or that we need to earn it first – often through some sort of self-sacrifice - before we’re entitled to feel it.
But asserting the freedom to create your own life experience by actively ‘choosing’ happiness is a habit worth cultivating. Not only does it improve your own sense of emotional wellbeing but it also improves the wellbeing of others; when your cup runneth over, it tops up the cups around you.
And it doesn’t have to be flowers, it can be any small self-gift that elevates your day. Taking five minutes to enjoy a coffee in the sunshine. De-cluttering your workspace. Properly setting the table to enjoy a meal. Whatever makes you exhale, drop your shoulders and smile.
There is also the ritualistic aspect of buying yourself flowers, or whatever small nice thing it is you are doing for you alone, on a regular basis. Making a big deal of these daily punctuation marks and squeezing every drop of pleasure from them gives the feelings that accompany them a long and silky finish, a bit like a good wine.
Relish in the conversation with the florist. Delight in browsing through the colour combinations. Get out the fancy vase and savour your mindful arrangement of each stem. It’s not just about the destination of the bouquet sitting on your dining table. The journey that leads you there holds equal value in increasing your emotional setpoint, and can be just as fulfilling.
Exposure to beauty is a basic human right. We are aesthetes by nature and we require regular doses of visual magnificence to help us reach our full potential. Science backs this too.
There are several well-supported studies demonstrating the consistent link between observing nature and flowers, and emotional uplift and measurable physiological relaxation, as well as increased cognitive clarity, insight and a broader perspective on life in general.
I first recognised this habit was quietly transformative when one month, I had a creeping sense of mild discontent I couldn’t shake or identify the source of. It was there each day and beginning to nag. I eventually came to the realisation there had been no fresh flowers in my home for some time – life had got busy.
I popped into the garden, snipped a few frothy heads of wild carrot and yarrow from my tiny patch of wildflower meadow and placed them on my desk. Both the space and my mood were lifted instantly. The nag had gone.
Then there’s the huge sense of self-empowerment that comes with realising you have agency over your own life. Whilst external forces beyond our control undoubtedly influence our day-to-day, we choose how to react to them, each other and our environments. Routines that are considered and rejuvenating – like buying yourself flowers – can quickly feel like subtle rebellions.
We all deserve to feel good and none of us need to wait for a specific event, or someone else, for this to happen. It’s up to us. Also, a gift you receive from yourself has a particular flavour of deliciousness that is unmatched.
So buy yourself those flowers. Simply because you can – and that is enough.
Read more from Leyla in her bestselling newsletter about purposeful living, A Day Well Spent.